The Way I See It...

Photoblast

2011-11-23T15:07:00.000-08:00

Days of Thanks: Days 21-23

2011-11-23T15:00:00.000-08:00

Today I'm Thankful that:

Day 21: I have a coat to keep me warm on freezing cold days.

Day 22: Waking up to toddler hugs every day. Getting a Christmas tree.
The chance to celebrate the upcoming holidays with those I love most.

Day 23: Emma got to talk to her daddy on the phone today
and he had the chance to see how smart, wonderful, and musically inclined she
is becoming.

25 Days of Thanks: Days 19 & 20.

2011-11-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful:

That these two have a father/daughter relationship even though they aren't related.

Today I'm Thankful For:

Crazy work nights with Hannah! They make the time
go by much faster.
:)

25 Days of Thanks: Days 17 & 18

2011-11-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Today I'm Thankful For:

The tiny apartment I live in.

The crappy car I drive.

The food in my pantry.

The drinks in my refrigerator.

The blankets I have to cover up with on cold winter nights.

The internet I use to chat with my friends and keep up on homework.

The opportunity to go to college, regardless of how hard it is right now and how much I am hating it.

And

Today I'm thankful for my health and the health of those around me.

25 Days of Thanks: Day 16

2011-11-16T21:37:00.001-08:00

Today I'm thankful that I took charge of my health, mind, and body and was able to lose 80 pounds and keep it off. In the before picture, I was 8 months pregnant with Emma. I didn't have her until 8 weeks later and I gained a bit even after that photo was taken. I was still 250 pounds when I left the hospital and I stayed in the 230's for a very long time. Luckily, I was able to lose the weight and am now smaller than my high school graduation weight of 195. :)

25 Days of Thanks: Days 14 & 15

2011-11-15T14:14:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for UDMO. For those of you who didn't know UDMO is an awesome program in my area that provides help for needy families. I wasn't even sure I wanted to blog about this because I felt a twinge of shame as I walked into their courthouse offices, but then I realized that I needed to be thankful a program like this existed rather than ashamed to be a part of it. As I walked in and spoke with the nice ladies in there I mentioned that I'd had a particularly rough year and that I felt this was a good choice for us, even if I did feel a bit out of place. One of the old ladies there, who must have been in her mid 70s or so smiled very sweetly and said to me, "We all have one or two of those sorts of years in our life hun." I felt so much more at ease after that and knowing that I wasn't alone in such a rough time. After I completed the paperwork that was necessary, the other two elderly ladies took Emma into the room beside us and let her pick out all the Christmas ornaments and garland she wanted. She even got a reindeer wire tree topper. Now, to get a tree...

If you're curious, we signed up for an assistance program known as "holiday assistance." It's for low income families who can afford next to nothing for their children this year. While I know Emma doesn't need much because her birthday was a mere month ago, it's heartbreaking knowing that you want to do so much for your child and can't. I try to keep a smile on my face and carry on with my head held high, but I will admit that I am providing for my family on $350 a month income from work and $315 in child support--which I didn't get half of last month. I am paying rent, electricity, cell phone, gas, car payments, insurance, and so so much more on next to nothing. Luckily, Chad has been helping me out a ton with rent since he lives here now, he's agreed to pay half. That takes a huge load off my mind and allows me to get my other bills paid that I was so far behind on. In fact, I was almost 2-3 months behind on some bills and approaching disconnect dates when I received my last student loan check. Because I used that $2,000 check to get all of my bills caught up, I was unable to put money back for the textbooks I needed this term, and because of that I dropped a class, which in turn has to be retaken, which tacks on another 2 months to my graduation date. Yes, that was a long run on sentence. Regardless, finances have been rough. I have never had such a hard year in my life. Between the divorce, the move, working nights, being a full time student, and now potentially starting a SECOND job during the days, I am in over my head. I feel like I'm drowning a lot of the time, but I'm doing my best to keep my head above water.

So as you may have noticed, this thanks is for yesterday and today because I am in fact so thankful for this I decided it needed two days. Without programs like this, some children may have no Christmas. Without programs like this, children go without winter coats, hats, mittens, scarves, food, and more. While many people think of those on government assistance as people seeking "hand outs" there are a few of us out there who really do need it. I'm not asking for pity or anything of the sort. I have made my sacrifices as a parent and I'm proud that I'm able to do the things I need to do to ensure my daughter can have the things she needs and be happy. Sure, it may cost me a little pride but you know what? My daughter doesn't know that I was at the courthouse seeking help today. She doesn't know that some of her Christmas gifts will come from the kindest strangers that we'll never meet. She doesn't know that there have been months we've been late on rent, skipped cell phone bills, ran out of gas, and lived off of ramen noodles because we had no other choice. To her, the world is a happy place full of smiles and numbers like the ones she counted at the laundry mat today. To her, the world isn't a dark, cranky, stressful place full of financial woes. No, to her, the world is nothing short of a giant playground and I intend to keep it that way. While I may have felt a twinge of shame walking into the outreach center today, I feel a sense of pride in knowing that I did what I had to do for my daughter, regardless of how I felt about it. For the opportunity to do something like that, I thank UDMO.

Now that I've shared with you this story, I'm going to ask you to do something for me. While you're spending your days Christmas shopping for family members and realizing that you have no idea what to get them, perhaps you could go to the tree in the front of the store, take a little card off of it, and buy one small item for people listed on that card who really need help. It's not much to ask for you to spare $10 if you can afford it. You never know, that little gesture might make someone's entire Christmas and you'd be to thank. Imagine the karma points you'd get for that one. After this year, I fully intend to pay it forward any year that I am capable.

For more information on the Iowa program UDMO visit their website here.

25 Days of Thanks: Day 13

2011-11-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for:

Sarah & Dr. Pepper 2008

Emma crawling on one of mom's many cases of soda in 2009

September 2011. We were on a photo walk at the park and she
picked my Diet Dr. Pepper up off the ground & snuck a drink
this face was the result of that. Guess the fizzing and burning
didn't quite grab her the way a tasty apple juice box does.
:) (And that makes me glad!)

My old trusty pal Dr. Pepper (which is now Diet Dr. Pepper)
and the many years of joy it brought me. It's pretty much the equivalent to
coffee for me every morning. I have cut back and I'm still
trying to drink less, but it's just so tasty....

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 12

2011-11-12T07:06:00.000-08:00

Today I'm Thankful for:

Sesame Street

Emma started watching Sesame Street when she was around two years old. It holds her attention for an hour and gives me a chance to shower and do other necessary things I couldn't otherwise. It also has helped her with her number, letter, and shape skills. She knows abc-123 (to 20) and all of her shapes, but Sesame Street helps reinforce what she has already learned. I love that there is something educational she can watch that she absolutely loves. She knows the names of all the characters and asks to watch it by name. It brings me joy every time she sings along to a song or counts along with the television.

ELMO Jammies

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 11

2011-11-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for:

David Osburn-Infantry in the United States Army

Nate Conlon-United States Army

Emily Russel l & Husband Nathan--United States Marine

Rebecca & David Davis--currently stationed in South Korea!

Jeff Sanborn & famly--United States Army

Ashley Mrla & her husband Brad--a United States Marine

Justin Robertson--United States Army

All of the soldiers fighting to protect my freedoms.
(These are just a few of my soldier friends & classmates.)

Today I say thank you to all of the Veterans. This includes my own family members (one of which hates having his photo taken) and many more friends that I consider family.

What is a Veteran? A Veteran--whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserves--is someone who at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States Of America," for an amount of "up to, and including, their life."

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 10

2011-11-10T15:57:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for:

Original Photo Courtesy of Nathan Bush.

The job I was offered at this place today...

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 7,8, & 9

2011-11-09T11:25:00.000-08:00

So I fell a few days behind on this but that's mostly because I spent yesterday in the dentists chair for an hour and 20 minutes having 8 cavities filled. It was pretty painful business and I spent the rest of the night & this morning resting. My jaw still hurts. Anyways, here goes.

Day 7:
Today I am thankful for:


The lack of snow we have in Iowa given that it's November. I know it's going to happen soon, but at least it hasn't yet. At least, not in my town....

Day 8:
Today I am thankful for:


My friend Jen who went with me to the dentist, sat in the waiting room for over an hour as I was drilled, drove me back home and laughed at me because I was so swollen and numb that my mouth was crooked and she couldn't understand a word I said. And THEN, several hours later she came and rescued me when I got a flat tire, drove me to my moms house to pick up Emma, drove us back to town, and then followed me to make sure my car made it home safely. :)

Day 9:
Today I am thankful for:


Louscher family dentistry in Algona, Iowa. For the first time in my life I wasn't TERRIFIED of the dentist. I have never had a dental experience I would define as "Pleasant" and given the fact that I had EIGHT fillings done and felt absolutely zero pain...I'm impressed. They even let me listen to my mp3 player with headphones blasting to drown out the sound of the drill and had Roseanne on the tv. I don't think I'll ever go anywhere else.

And just for funsies, here's a picture of Emma :)

Always smiling.

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 6

2011-11-06T11:17:00.000-08:00

Today I'm Thankful For:

Emma & Harliegh 2010-2011

Quinn, Chad, & I in August during our "Pajama party" visit.
Yeah, we all look ridiculous.

Quinn & I May 2010

Quinn & I (2011)

Emma (LuLu) & Harliegh (LeeLee) in Minnesota
--September 2011

Myself, Quinn, & her son Bash.
--September 2011

LuLu & LeeLee at the park on Quinn's birthday.

Today I'm Thankful for

My Best Friend Quinn
&
Emma's Best Friend Harliegh
<3

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 5

2011-11-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

Today I'm Thankful For:

Technology.

Emma skyping with her daddy and reading him a story from 920 miles away.

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 4

2011-11-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

Today I'm Thankful That:

Lou is potty trained!!!!!!!

In case you missed it, Emma is potty trained. We have been in big girl underwear all week Without.A.Single.Accident. That's right, she's only wearing ONE pull up a day and that's to bed. I even was brave enough to take her to the store and she didn't go there. She is excusing herself from the table to go, gets up during her pbs shows to go, and heck...she even takes her stool over and turns the lights off/on herself, flushes, and washes her hands. SUCH A BIG GIRL!!! I'm so proud of her. *sniffle*

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 3

2011-11-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for:

Mr. Chad for always putting up with my shenanigans and being there for
Miss Emma and myself. :)

A Day At Chad's Farm

2011-11-02T13:46:00.000-07:00

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 2

2011-11-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

The rest of the crazy family <3

Ty and daughter TayLynn

Grandma, Grandpa, Cousin Nick & friends

Emma & her papa last summer (2010)

My baby brother DJ and his yard deer

Emma and grandpa Boom (my dad)

Uncle Jim

Beautiful niece TayLynn

Emma, myself, my mom, stepdad,
biggest little brother Ty, and littlest brother Dillon.


Emma and her daddy playing guitar

I love this crazy, somewhat dysfunctional family.

25 Days Of Thanks: Day 1

2011-11-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for:

My brother (age 10) and my daughter (age 3)

Halloween

2011-11-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure you can tell by our beautiful outfits, yesterday was Halloween! I wanted so badly to take Lou (Emma's nickname) out trick or treating, but sadly I had to work. She dressed up as rapunzel and wore some of my hair extensions. I couldn't believe she kept them in, but she loved wearing my "hair hat." She's definitely a much girlier girl than I am.

This was the first year that Emma was old enough to understand what was going on. She was so excited to be dressed as a "princess." She happily toted her green pumpkin around and kept asking me if she could take it to grandma's with her. I didn't realize until we got to my mom's that she had actually put her mini pumpkin inside of her trick or treat pumpkin. Silly girl....

Since I had to work, Emma went trick or treating with my mom and my little brother. I was told that she dutifully chanted "trick or treat" at every house and told each and every person who gave her candy "thank you!" However, when no one was looking, she apparently was trying to steal handfuls of candy. She's such a sneak.

With Dora inside her green pumpkin

After I dropped her off at mom's so that she could go off trick or treating, I myself headed into a little work shindig we threw. We opened the theatre 2 hours early so that we could hand out candy ourselves. This was our first year doing it and while we weren't totally prepared, it was still fun. I like to think of it as our office Halloween party. (Yes, we all dressed up!)


Most of the theatre crew including 96 year old Fred who still comes to work matinees with us!

And just the girls. Myself, Hannah, Shirley, Dawn, and Jen.

While we were waiting for trick or treaters to come in, we all decided to hang around and have a little fun. It was a good time, even if we did only end up with about 30 kids trick or treating.

Hannah and I being ridiculous before people came in...


Jen as a cowgirl and myself as an "emo" kid. (These costumes were an excuse to wear jeans to work.)


Mobile pic of Dawn & I being adorable.

While we had our Halloween work party and kids came in trick or treating we also offered one dollar photos in front of our mini movie screen we built on the fourth of July. A few people actually did it and had Halloween photos printed which was cool. Even sweeter was that they were using my new Nikon to do the photo taking. I'm still not sure about the Nikon. It seems like a good camera but I think I'm still a Canon girl at heart. I do miss my Rebel. Maybe one day I'll buy a new Canon and keep the Nikon as well....perhaps.

So all in all, Halloween was a very busy day. Miss Emma came home very tired from trick or treating because she had done so much walking around. She actually had a very sleepless night because she was so overtired that I had to lie in bed with her for 2 hours before she finally calmed down enough to sleep through the night. That's something that I miss dearly from her infancy and younger years. It was so amazing feeling her reach over for my chest to ensure that I was still beside her and hadn't left. It's a feeling that never gets old, having your child want you. Having your child need to feel you beside them. It's one of those amazing feelings that you never grow tired of. I think when Lou is twenty five years old, I'm still going to cherish her hugs. I only hope that as she grows she remains as kind and loving as she is right now. I'm teaching her the best I can but man that girl loves to give hugs and kisses. I hope that never changes. (Except around boys. Boys aren't allowed to have hugs & kisses now or ever!)

Oh, speaking of boys, I nearly forgot. Halloween morning was spent with my friend Abby stopping by for a few hours with her youngest Zane. He is an adorable little monkey and I think he's indestructible. He and Lou played for a while and she even offered him hugs when he bumped his head. (Told you she was loving.) Here they are in Emma's new big girl bed....

Emma & Zane in her new big girl bed.

Two rowdy little kids (Emma 3yrs, Zane 19mths)


Captain Zane-o. Isn't he adorable?

Well that pretty much sums up Halloween for us. It was a crazy day that was super busy and full of fun. Emma came home with a decent haul (including potato sticks and 2 bags of cheetos--times have sure changed) and I had a good night at work. (We even got out early because no one came to our second show AND my boyfriend brought me supper. Win!) I hope you all had a Happy Halloween as well. Keep checking back and I'll try to remember to keep updating!

Lou's Third Birthday!!!!

2011-10-24T20:36:00.000-07:00

Emma, Mommy, and Grandma (Great-Grandma) Dorothy.

Mommy reading cards to Emma.


Emma playing in puddles with Uncle Ty.

Emma splashing.

Reading more cards with miss Emma.

Yay cupcakes!

Whats that? I have some smudge on my face?

Opening her new babies.

Part of the present/cake/candy/goodie table that I set up.

Cupcake #2!

Cupcake belongs on your legs too....right mom?

Emma's grandpa Brad lighting the candle.
She blew it out several times before we could sing happy birthday to her.

Emma and her Grandpa Dana. (My dad.)

Trying to eat ice cream off of her shirt!

Chad bought her Lion King. It became her new favorite movie. We watch it daily.
She even pretend calls "Simbo" on the phone. (Yes, Simbo. Not Simba.)

Scentsy piggie never leaves her side either.

Birthday morning. :) New pjs!


I let her have ice cream on her birthday....oops.

Birthday princess!!

She begged to ride it and then wanted down.

Elmo is a much smoother ride.

Finishing up the last bits of ice cream.

Lion King & Cinnamon Rolls=Win.

The Many Faces Of Emma

2011-05-03T06:20:00.000-07:00

2 1/2 years...

2011-04-30T14:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my baby girl will be 3 in October. I have been slacking on photos so we went out and had a mini shoot today. It was unbelievably windy with gusts up to 30mph, so we didn't get a ton of shots. (Out of 130 pictures, these were the best.) Enjoy!

Park

2011-04-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

Going down the baby slide

Swinging like a big girl.

Merry Go Round!


Going a little faster...

Mommy and EJ :) <3

Iowa life

2011-04-03T07:28:00.000-07:00

Emma enjoying a bowl of spaghetti

Emma and her grandma riding the four wheeler at the farm

Emma and her Great grandma Dorothy learning numbers

Emma being cheesy

She fell asleep on the kitchen floor

EJ's Photoshoot

2011-01-31T18:12:00.000-08:00

Here are some random photos from 1/31/11.
EJ's photoshoot. :)
She's such a diva. <3
ENJOY!

Andrews 25th Birthday

2011-01-21T07:10:00.000-08:00

Naptime!

Oh good morning.

Silly faces

The cake caved in a bit, but overall it was a success.

Emma giving daddy her card. she even signed it in crayon.

daddy/daughter.

Ej and daddy.

Birthday loving.

Piggy back rides.

Awkward Family photo!

Pop Star

2011-01-21T06:57:00.000-08:00

Can I push it mommy?

Early morning kisses

Showing off her cool shirt

There's a reason I call her "legs"

She loves riding her horsey but I think its about time for it to retire. Just look at how long her legs are!

Mobile

2011-01-06T19:49:00.000-08:00

As shocking as this sounds, I dont always have my camera trained on EJ. So, for those times when she does something adorable (which lets face it, is always) I trust my cell phone camera. Here are some recent mobile shots of her.

she loves reading

laying down watching pbs this morning

At the mall a few days ago. Always smiling.

She really hates that helmet.

Eating a hot fudge sundae!

Melting Snow

2010-12-30T19:37:00.000-08:00

12/30/2010
EJ and her new Trike that daddy got her for Xmas.
The snow is melting and it was a nice day out so we decided to hang outdoors for a bit today.

This is what we did.......

Body Parts

2010-12-30T07:09:00.000-08:00

She's been able to name body parts for over a year now, but I've never taken pics of her doing it. so here we go. Starting with the nose.

EARS

EYES

MOUTH

TUMMY

HANDS

FEET

Toddler Thursday

2010-12-30T06:05:00.000-08:00

EJ LOVES taking pictures. She always tries to lug my huge Canon Rebel XSi around by herself. Usually, she runs up to me when I get it out and says, "Mommy, I push it?" She is gonna be a photo fiend like her momma.

This is what I call a "morning shot." Ie: Before hair and makeup are done. EJ clearly looks thrilled that I ambushed her and photographed it happening.

My little Elton John impersonator.

Puddles

2010-12-30T06:00:00.000-08:00

Emma's daddy found this small puppy abandoned at work the other day, so he decided to nurse het back to health before he found her a good home.

We guesstimate that she is only about 6 weeks old, but she is absolutely adorable. I'd keep her myself if I could.

EJ saw mommy taking pictures of the puppy, and she wanted to do the same. Don't mind her orange mouth. It's left overs from lunch.

This is one of the most loving puppies I've ever seen. She really just wants to be held and drink warm milk. She still roots around like maybe she was nursing.

EJ decided that she wanted to give the puppy lots of hugs!!

And finally it was time to take a nap together.

Potty Time

2010-12-28T08:10:00.000-08:00

We have been working on potty training off and on, just whenever she shows an interest in it. Today she used the big potty all by herself.

YAY I DID IT!!!

Cookie Decorating

2010-12-28T07:33:00.000-08:00

This was a few days before Christmas, and I had forgotten to post the pictures. Enjoy!

Decorating Cookies with EJ.

Yeah...she just ate ALL OF HER FROSTING.

And now we're moving on to eating the cookie we were supposed to decorate!!

EJ loves her sweets

Papa helping decorate cookies!

The end result. This was only about 1/2 of the cookies we made!

Christmas 2010

2010-12-28T07:14:00.000-08:00

My daughter on Christmas day taking pictures of herself.

Grandpa eating candy and watching EJ open presents.

Mom helping Ej open her gifts.

EJ stealing her grandpas candy.

My awesome family. (No one wanted their pictures taken.)

My ex-husband and I. Yes, we have a strange relationship.

Mommy and EJ wearing matching Christmas outfits.

Song of the day

2010-12-21T14:09:00.000-08:00

Silly Shoppers

2010-12-20T16:31:00.000-08:00

In the midst of CRAZY Christmas shopping (5 days before Christmas) you have to have a little fun. Here's my beautiful princess nerding it up. <3

It never slows down.

2010-12-17T22:38:00.000-08:00

Today was another crazy hectic day in our newly different lives. We had to run errands all day and get a little Christmas shopping in. We originally went out to find grandpa a present, but he literally has EVERYTHING and more. Instead I wound up buying Andrew another present even though I said I wouldn't. He hasn't gotten me anything and I told him not to, but I am just the giving type so I got him something I knew he'd like.

We spent the morning out shopping at Ross. There weren't a lot of people there, but the ones who were there were quite odd. One woman brought in a dog to see if a sweater would fit. That would have been find had pets been allowed in the store. I guess if you have any dog thats small enough to fit in your cart and be hidden, it's allowed in a store. EJ saw it and went crazy saying she wanted to play with it, but we had to go. We did get Arcee a dog bed and a puppy sweater. It was adorable because EJ and Arcee matched. She loved going to dads to drop off the stuff and tell Arcee "Merry Christmas." I also managed to try on a few outfits at Ross, before EJ decided to take off her boots, steal my sunglasses, drop our garment number and generally just make it impossible for me to try on anything. I managed to try on 3 outfits and I fell in love with this one. Too bad I didnt buy it...I really should have.

Upon leaving Ross, we grabbed lunch on the way over to Drews. It was my first time in the apartment since the day I helped him clean it, waited for the internet people to show up while he was at work, and picked out his furniture. I must say, it's looking an awful lot like a bachelor pad, but all in all it's fairly nice. (Lucky duck even has a fire place!) We enjoyed lunch together as a family and Ej loved playing with the dog. She ran through the house and seemed like it didn't bother her nearly as much as last time. (If you're new to my world, after her last visit to dads house she spent 3 weeks not sleeping because she thought I would leave her.)

I'm glad that she is doing better over there, and maybe he can start keeping her for a few hours at his place rather than always having to come here. I do think its best that he comes here to keep her on some regular schedule/routine, but I know they need alone time. I'm sure in the end everything will work out as it should. Doesn't it always?

Ej and Arcee in their matching sweaters. I know I look so very enthusiastic, don't I?

After leaving her dads house, we had to come back to the house, grab movies, run to redbox, and then we headed off to Walgreens to buy some candy, soda, and other various stocking stuffers. I managed to find 101 cookie cutters for $9.99. Considering I have spent the better part of six months looking for a good deal on cookie cutters, I was stoked. Besides, there were only two left so I had no choice. Although, I never realized how easy it was to spend $40 in a Walgreens before!

We managed to finish our exhausting day with EJ continuing to fall asleep in the car. I decided to skip the bookstore and mall trip and save that for another day. The bank, Ross's, her dads, lunch, puppy play time, Walgreens, and red box were all apparently enough for my poor sweet girl. I got her in bed at 2 pm and she was asleep before she finished her book. I felt terrible because she honestly could have gone to bed at 2 pm and probably slept through the night. She looked exhausted. I let her sleep until four and then I had to force her up so she would go back to bed at seven.

Of course, after waking up the baby she was in a cranky mood the rest of the night. She refused to eat her dinner, back talked, told me to be quiet, slammed her fist on the table and glared at me for most of dinner. She tried to grab a pen and run off with it, and threw a fit when I told her no. When I say fit, I mean one of the first I've ever seen her throw. She laid down on the ground and really just let it all out. I felt like a mean old mommy, but it was for her own good.

Let's just say I was thankful she went to bed at seven. Unfortunately, she stayed up until 10 pm singing her abcs, reading a book, and playing with shadows on the wall. Hey, at least shes doing learning activities while she suffers from insomnia!

In the end, we had a very tiresome day and I spent the remainder of it laid out on the couch like a potato. Now here it is 1:30 a.m. and I'm finally ready for bed. It's probably a good thing too because tomorrow morning we will be getting up early, running to the bank, heading to the store for cookie dough, and hopefully coming home to have our FIRST EVER mother daughter cookie decorating session. WOO!! I'm excited. I will be sure to post pictures of EJ eating (I mean decorating) the cookies as we create them.

Peace, Love, and Insomniacs

Sarah V.

Snowday

2010-12-16T14:45:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I took EJ out into the snow for the first time. It doesn't normally snow in TN much, so it was exciting to see how she would react. She had just gotten new snow boots and was excited to try them out. As it turns out, she loves snow. I kept telling her that it was time to go in and she kept saying, "Come on mom, it's snowing!" I'm glad she enjoys it so much. I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of it in Iowa..

She loves her Kitty Hat.

Footprints in the snow.

Rosy cheeks

SO excited to be outside in the snow.

Mommy taught her how to catch snowflakes.

Such Is Life.

2010-12-16T14:32:00.000-08:00

The first time I met Andy was in the summer of 2007. Sure, we had been corresponding for 6 years but we hadn't ever actually met. We shared chat logs, text messages, and finally late night phone calls. We fell in love before we had ever seen each other face to face without the aid of a webcam. I agreed to fly out to meet him in Nashville that summer. Was I terrified? Of course I was. I had never done anything quite so crazy or wreckless in my life, but I felt in my heart that it was something I was meant to do. Some outside force was nudging me telling me to go for it. And I did.

The night my flight was scheduled to leave, we were suddenly herded into the basement of the airport. There was a tornado scare and we weren't going to be going anywhere. This was my first flight since infancy, therefore the first flight I could remember and here I was stuck in the airport. I had no car, no money, no ride, and no one there for me. They told us to go home and come back in the morning, as our flight would leave at six am. I ended up spending the night in the airport. I couldn't sleep because I was paranoid about people watching me or taking my things. I laid on the floor, using my backpack as a pillow, texting Andrew and waiting impatiently for morning to come. When I finally boarded the plane I hadn't slept for 24 hours and I was exhausted. I imagine that I also looked like hell. I hopped on the first flight and was absolutely terrified. My heart was racing, my head pounding, and then.....I woke up. I had passed out in the first ten minutes of the flight, and remained asleep for an hour and a half. When I heard a voice come on the loud speaker announcing our decent, I woke up in a state of confusion. I used my layover as an opportunity to freshen up. I changed my shirt, fixed my hair, reapplied makeup, etc. I spent the entire second flight staring at the skies, and wondering what I was getting myself into. Was this a mistake? What if he was a crazy murderer? Would I end up in his basement choked and bound? The questions were endless, but I felt in my heart that he was as pure and good as I was. Just to be safe, my aunt who lived only a few hours drive away, told me that if anything seemed strange, I should call her to come get me. She wanted to keep me safe.

When I arrived in the Nashville airport, I realized just how big it was. I suddenly felt like I was lost in a maze, and I had no idea where I was going. I called Andrew and as I pressed send my phone died. I was in a panic wandering aimlessly through the airport, so finally I sat down on the side of a walkway, used an outlet, and charged my phone. I called again and was nearly in tears as I asked him where I should go. The answer was simple: Walk straight. I felt like such an idiot, but sure enough all I had to do was walk straight. We exchanged hellos and continued to walk out to the parking lot in silence. We arrived at his puke green kia rio and suddenly the ice was broken. We laughed and joked about his car, and the entire ride back to his hometown (1 1/2 hours) he would accidentally shift gears and smash my knees. We rode mostly in silence, but it was no longer tense. After a wonderful 3 week visit and several phone calls during the following months, a little voice once again told me that I needed to follow my heart back to Tennessee. And once again, I did.

Snapshot from my visit:

Sarah & Drew 2007

It took several months and a lot of saving, but finally we managed to move in together. I sold my favorite record player, and he sold his guitars. I had moved to Tennessee to be closer to him, but at that point in time we were just friends. We rented a two bedroom apartment together, and it was a whirlwind from there.

I had called Andrew my best friend for years, and living with him only made it seem more real. We had tiffs the way that people do, but all in all we had a blast together. When he wasn't working we would spend our days listening to Dane Cook cds, playing Ps3, watching movies, or going out with friends. We spent a lot of time together, and somewhere along the way we just fell insanely in love. I could no longer imagine my life without him. There were moments that I would question myself and what I was doing, but it always came back to him. He was the reason I was there, the reason I was happy. He was everything I had ever wanted, and he shared my dreams.

Andrew & Sarah 2008

(30+ weeks pregnant)

Fast forward to 2008 and a lot of things had changed. We had moved from our first apartment, to an RV park in Florida, and back again. We were also expecting our first child together and we were about to be married. He still made my heart skip a beat, and I still made him laugh. We could be absolutely stupid together, and it was just a part of who we were. We were inseparable and that's the way I liked it. He was working two jobs and I was put on bedrest for a high risk pregnancy for several months, but we made it work. That September we were married and that October our beautiful baby girl was born.

September 18th (36wks preg w/high risk pregnancy)

October 2008- Emma @ 1 week old.

The rest of 2008 is a blur. The day Emma was born she couldn't hold down any food. She spent the first 2 days in the hospital vomiting up all of her formula. We tried different brands and eventually she was placed on Soy. At ten days old, we had her scheduled for a full body scan. I couldn't feed my sweet newborn for 6 hours and that morning was pure hell. We had to give her a bottle full of a charchol solution and watch her drink it via xray screen. That day we found out that she had one of the worst cases of GERD that the doctor had seen in an infant her age. Her stomach hadn't fully formed and therefore when the formula would hit her stomach it was immediately ricocheting and coming back up out her nose and mouth. For the next nine months she would be on medication to control her GERD and she would only sleep in the seated position.

The years have come and gone and my baby isn't a baby anymore. She is a wonderful, amazing, beautiful, thriving 2 year old. She can sing her abc's, count to 15, and she can recognize every letter and several colors. She repeats everything she hears, and her mind picks up on new things as if it's an absorbent sponge. I spend several days a week working with her, teaching her, and counting with her. We watch pbs, she's an elmo fanatic, and we've finally gotten back on a semi regular sleep schedule.

(She also has a bit of an attitude!)

Along with the years has come the disintegration of my marriage. I won't say that no one's to blame, because that would be a lie. I won't say that I'm devestated, because I'm not. I mentally prepared myself for this long before it happened. I will say that my husband and I remain the closest of friends. We are still the best friends that we were three years ago. Unfortunately, over the course of our marriage it became abundantly clear that friendship was all we had shared. We no longer had a spark for one another. I no longer made him laugh or smile, and he no longer made me feel safe in his arms. Our free time was never spent together, but rather apart even though it was the only time we'd have. I'm proud to say that we have had the most civil divorce I've ever heard of, and I'm glad that he is and always will remain a critical part of my life. I still spend time with him and we still do activities together as a family unit.

I won't say that the love we once shared is gone, because it isn't. The love we once shared is forever embodied in our daughter, EJ. She is proof that we once shared a deep love. She is proof in my eyes that miracles do exist. She is the best of everything we are individually, wrapped into one perfect package. EJ is and always will continue to be our top priority. Sure, things didn't work out for us in the long run but we gave it our best shot. We've done all we can and remaining friends seems to be the logical option. I will happily tell you that I am not one of those women who keeps their children from their fathers. I will happily share with you that we negotiated our entire divorce without the help of lawyers, court rooms, and huge legal fees. Hell, I'll gladly tell you that I've invited him to spend the night on Christmas Eve so he can see our daughter open presents right away in the morning. I have a big heart and he will always reside within it, right next to our daughter.

What a good daddy!

Andrew and EJ

Oct 08

So now here I am in this strange new phase of life. One that I never expected to be in. Suddenly, I'm a single parent. I go to school full time, take care of my daughter full time, and spend my days planning a huge 1,000 mile move. I don't get a day off, I don't get to leave on a whim, I don't get sick pay, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I never thought my life would be at this point. I never thought I could feel so whole and complete during such a broken time. My husband rescued me without ever realizing it. He saved me from myself and he gave me the best gift I could have ever asked for. My daughter coming into my world made me realize that she was what I had been missing for all those years. Suddenly, I felt complete. Suddenly, I didn't want to run away from home, but rather towards it. My life was no longer revolving around friendships and gossip. My world went dark and the only thing that lit it up again was her. She is the one thing to keep me sane, drive me crazy, made me cry and then make me laugh. She makes my heart race, pulls on the strings, and reminds me every day that life is a crazy, beautiful, amazing, fragile gift.

For so many years, I was certain that motherhood is what I had been cut out for, but EJ was a miracle. She was meant to be. She is why I had that little voice pushing me towards Tennessee for the first time 3 years ago. She is my sweet baby girl. My perfect angel. She is my everything. I would trade my life for hers. I would do anything I could to keep her happy and safe. I can't imagine my life without her, and I barely remember life before her.

While my life has suddenly become overwhelming, confusing, and all around uncertain, I know that I am strong enough for this. I wake up every day, take a deep breath, give my baby girl a hug, and smile. I know that the rest of my life she is going to forever be right there by my side and that is the best blessing I could ever ask for. In the midst of turmoil, she keeps a smile forever on my face. So while my family isn't the most conventional family, I still love them just the same. My daughter, my ex husband, and I. We will always be perfection in my eyes.

November 2010
Mom & EJ

November 2010
Dad & EJ

Last but never least is the beautiful princess herself. <3

I love my daughter.
I love my ex husband.
I love my family.
I love my life.
Sure-we're unconventional....but hey, we are who we are.
Things may not be perfect but...such is life.
Peace, Love, and Toy Story 3
Sarah V.

“When all is said and done, you are part of me. That's the way it was meant to be. People are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason. I believe the reason that you and me were brought together was because we complete one another. We fill in each other's missing spots with love. And if someday God decides to tear us apart, I trust that there is a reason. Cause if there is a reason for love, there is a reason for life beyond it.”
-Author Unknown